Each week brings new emotions for the Gatewood's. Happiness that the baby is doing so well despite them diagnosing me with IUGR around 35 weeks. The baby continues to show off during the ultrasounds and biophysical profiles but the doctor keeps saying she thinks the baby is small. My amniotic fluid level is at 9 which is on the lower end. Anything 5-25 is normal. She is concerned about the fluid levels and says it is normal to drop a little towards the end of pregnancy.
We were told to come in at 37 weeks prepared to have the baby. I wasn't prepared because I knew the baby would do well on the BPP once again, and it did. My mom met me at the doctor since Kyle wasn't sure he would be able to make it. Luckily he could make it so I had 2 people to help me through yet another doctor appt. Despite all of my exercises at home and chiropractor visits, the baby is still breech. I have had such high hopes that this baby will flip but it seems to be content in his/her position. Why is the baby breech? I have no idea! I have several theories on it such a cord placement, low lying placenta, heart shaped uterus but I have no idea what is causing the baby to shove their head into my ribs.
Doctor Butler started talking about a c-section on Monday and I felt the tears coming. It didn't help that I was pantless because the nurse said she would check my cervix since I am 37 weeks. Crying in a doctor's office with no pants on..pregnancy. She didn't check my cervix because she is convinced I am having a c-section. Kyle, dressed in his scrubs and scrub cap, immediately asked about the procedure, recovery and what her OR days were. I wasn't ready to hear any of it so I just let him ask while I tried to not lose it. She said Tues, May 27th would probably be the day.
The thought of a c-section is terrifying to me. It makes me feel anxious, scared and sad. But each week that I go to the doctor, there is another huge obstacle against me and I am forced to accept it a little more. That, for me, means I have to cry. I cried a lot on Monday and Tuesday. I know at some point I will get over it and accept it, but I wasn't there yet.
I have had an upset stomach since Sunday evening and it just got worse yesterday. I ran some errands after work and felt like I was going to be sick in Target. I decided it was stress and it was best to come home and relax for a little while. I was laying on our bed watching TV when Doctor Butler called. The week of Memoral Day is booked up so how did I feel about Friday, May 23rd?
Kyle was on a run (yes, you read that right..he has started working out!) so I had no one to bounce this idea off of. I could barely answer her. My only conflict that day is a hair appt. Oh and the fact that I don't want to schedule the birth of my first child via c-section!
|I can't get this picture to turn, but this is how I felt. Which seems appropriate because my head was spinning|
We were planning on having Memorial Day weekend to enjoy and go to my parents and cookout and prepare. So now, with this new plan, this upcoming weekend is it for us as a family of 2. But my mom made a good point that the earlier this happens, the less time I have to obsess and worry about it. It seems inevitable at this point, so my task now is to find a way to accept it. I feel better this morning after doing some reading about c-sections and Kyle telling me that I will recover just fine. I'm healthy and in good shape so I will bounce back.
It still doesn't mean I am 100% ok with it, but maybe as each day passes, I will feel excitement over meeting our baby instead of dread about the c-section.
I read this blog and she has such a great outlook. Baby is healthy, we have tons of family to help and Kyle has been such a support to me during these last few weeks. It's time to let go of my control over this and focus on becoming a mom.