New Year, New Beginnings

Happy new year! I've been neglecting this blog for the past 6 months. We are a busy family (aren't most young married couples with kids?!) and while we only have 1 tiny munchkin, he sure eats up s lot of our (mostly my) time. Between Sam & work, I didn't care to find the time to blog. But I told you I would be back, and here I am! I have some news (I'm not pregnant): I quit my job! 

I am now a stay at home mom and could not be more thrilled. Going back to work after having Sam was the hardest thing I have ever done. I just wanted to be home with my baby. Somehow, I managed (I've talked about how grateful I am for my mom & dad) to make it 16 months without falling apart. Believe me, it was hard & I cried & threw fits but for the most part, I did it. But my heart was at home. I felt extremely unsettled & frazzled. Yes, I had a job that people think must be the greatest job ever (selling wine & liquor) with great perks: free booze, free wine dinners, expensing dinner around town, drinking during lunch, etc but as any job does, it has its downsides. And to me, once I was presented to opportunity to stay home, I jumped I it. I had never wanted to go back to work after Sam. So, I gave my bosses plenty of notice (4 months) and prepared for my departure. I told my  accounts, hoarded booze, raided the warehouse for stuff I didn't need (do I really need another v-neck with a liquor logo plastered on if?) and imagined what life would be like at home. My accounts & coworkers have been incredibly supportive. It kind of shocked me, to be honest. I expected less and received so much more. I have found a wonderful group of girlfriends at Republic. They are loyal & supportive & drink way too much! A few of them are mothers & they were a huge support system for me during my pregnancy & return to work. 

Yesterday, I spent my last 4 hours of work drinking wine & champagne with those girls. What a way to end your boozy career, amiright?! I cried when I left but finally felt settled. I am completely confident in my decision to stay home. It is the best decision for our family. 

So, 2016 begins a new journey for us. A journey I expect will still include wine & liquor :) 

I'm Alive!

Hey there! Just wanted to remind everyone about this sweet little blog and say I am still alive. Life has been hectic, so very hectic and I struggle to find the time to blog. But I took this weekend to catch up on some things and I am hopeful to return to the blogging world soon. Here is what I will write about:

Our new home
Kyle and I going to Mexico
Me going to Napa
Weaning a booby baby
and of course, Sam

Stay tuned, I promise to return very soon!

1 Year

Sam,

One incredible year of your life is in the books. As I write this, we are sitting on the front porch of our beautiful new home while you sleep in your stroller (you rarely stay asleep this long but you graduated from swim school this morning so you are tuckered out). I look at you with such loving eyes that it almost confuses me. How can you love someone so much that you almost don't know how to appropriately manage your emotions? That is exactly how I feel about you. My love for you is endless.

I know every detail of your tiny body and I remember staring at you in the hospital, drinking in every detail of your brand new existence in my world. You only knew that you needed me and I knew that I had waited my entire life to hold you and nurture you. Becoming a mother for the first time is an eye opening experience. You prepare, you dream, you imagine what life will be like, what your baby will look like, how you will dress them up and take them places while people ooh and ahh over your tiny creature and then bam! It happens in one quick second that you are no longer inside of my body and now you need to grow outside. And I am responsible for you. I was prepared for all of this. But I wasn't prepared for how much I would love you. How the term "momma bear" is frighteningly true when you think your child is in danger or hurting.

You have grown and learned so much this past year. You went from being a helpless, tiny, crying baby to a {somewhat} independent, slightly larger than {tiny}, smiling {but still crying} toddler. You are fierce. And crazy. And loving. And determined. So very determined. You know what you want and you are going to get it. Most of the time that means my boob and you are still getting that so looks like to jokes on me. You love hard and I am thrilled that I am often on the receiving end of your love.

You are so funny. You love to laugh and you love to act silly. You walk around making monkey noises and shaking your arms about. You love to play peek-a-boo and you have recently found it to be hilarious to smack me across the face. We're working on not doing that.

Your smile makes me feel like my heart might burst and I could hear you cry even in the loudest room. I am forever changed by your existence. I could stare into your beautiful blue eyes forever and kiss your soft cheeks endlessly. I sometimes just hold you so close while you sleep because I know these moments will one day be a distant memory and I need to just lose myself in them right now.

I could go on for many virtual pages about my love for you. I could describe in detail how you have changed my life. Your dad and I were ready for you but I don't know that either one of us was prepared for the drastic change your presence would bring in our daily lives. And you often hear people say "I don't remember life before baby" which is funny because I do remember my life before you but I don't miss that life. I want to be tired and frazzled and silly and constantly picking you up because that means I get to be with you. I get to be your mom and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I want to watch you grow into a confident, funny, humble, loving, happy little boy. Followed by a respectful, kind, thoughtful young man. I want you to know we will always love you. We will encourage you, support you, discipline you and teach you right from wrong even if it is the hard thing to do. You are important enough to be raised right. Your story has only just begun.

I will love you forever, Sam.
                                                                                                                          

What I've Learned in 12 Months

Coming in just shy of 13 months here but give me a break. I'm busy! And anytime I am on my computer it is to do some silly work stuff (or buy something on Amazon). So..here we go, my last installment of "What I've Learned".

1. Personal Party 

You will take your baby's first birthday party very personal! While I didn't go all out on decor, food, gifts, I did spend a lot of time thinking of what I wanted to do with decorations and what food I wanted to serve. I kept it fairly simple and went with a primary colors theme, served sandwiches and sides and some booze. But I was more excited for his birthday party than I had been for any party in quite some time. And you feel extremely grateful for anyone that shows up to help celebrate your little one! 

2. You still don't figure it out 

1 year of Sam only kind of being into toys and I am still purchasing him new toys. I just bought him a new grill on Tuesday on Amazon. He would much rather play with a cardboard box or a bottle of Zyrtec that sounds like a maraca but let's spend more money on more toys. 

3. Hair? 

Do I give him his first hair cut or do I let his adorable red mullet grow? Million dollar question, you guys. 

4. You might not be ready...

to stop nursing. Sam is not ready, I might be a little more ready than him but I still enjoy it that time so much. Plus, he is super crazy and it is sometimes (most times) my only way to calm him. 

5. Survival mode 

You may think that it gets easier (and it does) but you are still in such survival mode in so many ways. Sam is mobile, determined and head strong. He knows what he wants and he will let you know. I spend most of my time trying to either keep him entertained while I get ready for work or just rushing around like a mad woman while he cries so I can finish something. I am completely disorganized and most of the time have no clue how I make it look like I am functioning but somehow I continue to do it. 

6. Unexpected 

You feel connected to the most unexpected people. Motherhood can make you carry on a conversation with the most random person and somehow feel like you are actually friends. I haven't made any new "mommy" friends but I find myself talking to other mothers in a more meaningful way.

7. Choking

There will be a choking incident, possibly in public, that will absolutely terrify you. And he still hasn't had even the tiniest bite of bacon since that.

This past year has been such a wonderful, joyous, trying, unforgettable time in my life. I feel like I have so many thousands more things I could have added to these blogs! But I also left 3 things in my cart when I checked out at Target last week so I am not exactly on my game like I used to be :) 

20 lbs 

31.25 inches 

"Mothers and their children are in a category all their own. There is no bond so strong in the entire world. No love so instantaneous and forgiving." ~ Gail Tsukiyama

What I've Learned in 11 Months

11 months. Are we really down to less than 1 month until the big 1 year? Ok, I might cry about it so let's focus on this past month of Sam. It was a doozy!

1. You will survive a move

In case you haven't heard, we bought a new house! Holla! Right after Sam turned 10 months, we put our house on the market and 2 days later we had our first offer and we accepted the offer 3 short days after putting it on the market. A few days later, we put in an offer on our new home. All happened within 1 week. 1 week! Between rushing out of the house for showings, packing our home after the sale, and purging items from our attic/garage we barely made it out alive! Sam won't remember the home that he started his life in but Kyle and I will always have fond memories there. Kyle proposed in the kitchen, we started our married life there and brought home our first tiny baby. But it was time to move and we are so happy in our new (bigger, better!) home. Here is our new home:

2. Shoes

I am learning that Sam needs shoes now that he is walking. I never put him in shoes before he was walking because they always came off and I tried to not spend the money (I did buy one adorable pair of navy blue loafers that he wore twice). Now, I forget that he needs shoes when we leave the house or go outside. Thank goodness his Grammy took him shopping for new some new kicks so he doesn't have Walmart feet from walking through Target with bare feet.

3. Shelf Grabbing

I took Sam to Target (shoes and all. Oh wait, except I forgot the diaper bag!) so I had no snacks to keep him entertained during the trip. Sam hates being confined to a car seat, basket, the stroller is acceptable on certain occasions, only to be determined by Sam. After letting him tear through the baby section, putting his shoes back on 25 times, I beelined for the food section, grabbed a box of strawberry Nutrigrain bars off the shelf and tore open a bar and let him eat one. He liked it until he didn't like it (Sam is a complicated little one) and then he started rubbing the sugary pink strawberry goo in his hair. Oh I can just wipe that out with a wipe.....no diaper bag. We made it to the check out line with goo all over both of us, 1 shoe on (him not me) and 2 packages of diapers- different sizes. Now I get to make a trip back to Target to return the diapers and possibly the opened box of Nutrigrain (kidding, kind of).

4. Doggies

Sam loves his Sophie girl but he loves to love too hard. Ear pulling, toenail yanking, tackling. Sophie is great with him but there are times that she can't take it anymore and she tells him. I watch him closely with her because you never know what can happen. And I love that Sam isn't afraid of animals but that means I also have to watch him around strange dogs because he will happily give any dog a hug.

5. Rompers

Rompers are still acceptable at this age. I love them and I refuse to give them up quite yet. I plan on letting him wear them through the summer and then will have to retire them.

"Don't be like the rest of them, darling." - Coco Chanel 

Sam's Easter Mini Session

Sam is a funny guy. He is a real crack up at home. Laughing, smiling, playing peek a boo. But when a professional pulls out her camera, he's all business. Really makes them earn their pay by not cracking a smile. For Sam's latest session, we used Sara Eaton Photography. I love her natural lighting and her closest of outfits for babies! Hopefully next time he won't be so stingy with the smiles.

What I've Learned in 10 Months

Spring has arrived and Sam is now 10 months old! Here is what I have learned in 10 months:

1. Snacks will be a food group

At some point, your healthy little eater will stop eating baby food, will push organic food pouches out of his face and only eat french fries, string cheese, or yogurt melts. Tonight I offered him a food pouch, an apple, shredded cheese, zucchini, peas, carrots. He basically pushed it all over the counter and then just intentionally dropped it on the floor. He ended up eating about 5,000 bites of Kyle's pizza after all my healthy efforts. Whatever.

2. Forgetfulness

I used to remember everything. Mostly. And then I had a child and forgot to get my 9 year old niece a birthday gift.

3. Sleeping

You will start to wonder if your child will ever sleep through the night.

4. Mourning

You will realize that the big "1 year" birthday will be approaching. Quickly. Maybe it's the double digit sticker you put on his onesie. Maybe it the days ticking by on the calendar. Maybe it the "i am one" shirt you bought on Etsy and then cried about.

5. Trip

You will start planning your first baby free trip for a friends wedding in Mexico and have a slight panic attack. I changed the days from 3 to 2 on Expedia, picked the lastest flight out, earliest flight home and then panicked again and just shut the computer.

6. All Natural

I spent $6.99 on a bag of all-natural chicken nuggets at Reasor's. The bag maybe has 15 nuggets in it. But the child won't have anything to do with wholesome, nutrient packed baby food so I had to feed him something.

7. You will think 7:30pm is late 

It actually didn't take me 10 months to figure this out. Sam has started sleeping about 2 hrs in his crib when I first put him to bed (sometimes less, never more) and the key to that is a perfectly timed bedtime and a not exhausted mother. That means going to dinner with our friends at 7:30 on a Friday night ain't happening. And it it does, it feels like 3am when you get home at 9pm and still have to put a baby to bed. I remember not eating until 8pm on Friday night & then drinking at a bar until 2. We stayed up until 11:30 last night & I almost died. My body barely makes it past 10 these days. 

8. Speaking of sleeping...

Sam slept a decent stretch in his crib last week. Yay, or so you would think. I laid in bed, wide awake looking at the monitor every minute or so. The minute he woke up, I went to his room, picked him up and brought him to our bed. I was asleep in less than 3 min. I'm pathetic. And I can't help but laugh at myself. 

What I've Learned in 9 months

Sam has now been living outside of my body for as long as he was inside of my body. I remember thinking that he would be such a fun, crazy, energetic baby at 9 months. I am very rarely wrong (ask my husband!) and I was certainly not wrong about Sam. He is a very energetic, busy baby! Here are some things I have learned in 9 months:

1. He will have a snotty nose

You know that kid you've seen running around with snot dripping down his face. And sometimes that snot is radioactive green. And you think "Ewwww gross, wipe that nose!" Well, believe me you will wipe that nose and then go to throw out that tissue and when you turn around it will be dripping out all over again and inevitable someone will be looking at him at that moment.

2. Choking on something

You will cut up his food, maybe even put it in the food processor but he will still find a way to gag/choke on a cracker and you will start to panic about halfway into the 3rd gag. And then he will hack it up..all over you.

4. Date night still feels weird

9 months old and it still feels very strange to be without him.

5. Husband out of town will be weird

I used to roll my eyes at women that said they couldn't sleep well when their other half was out of town. And then I got married and slept in the same bed as Kyle every night and I started to understand it. And now when Kyle is out of town and it is time to go to bed in the house all by myself with Sam and its dark and cold and scary, I just really wish I had my husband home. This past month Kyle was gone and Sophie stood at the front door and barked incessantly making me think someone was outside and it freaked me out! I locked all the doors and set the alarm at 7pm and had to turn it off/on every time I let Sophie out to pee.

6. Feeling genuinely needed/loved by your baby

When Sam was a baby, he needed me to survive. He still needs me in that way but it is changing every month. He needs me to fall asleep (I know, I know...sleep train him...shut it!), he needs me to help him learn how to work his new toys, he needs me. He loves me. He is so happy when I come home from being gone. He is always just so thrilled to have me around.

7. Snow Days

While other moms might dread snow days because there little crazies will be trapped in the house all day, I crave them. A day in the middle of the week to just stay home and play with my baby...yes please! Thankfully I have been getting a few of these lately!

8. They will learn things

Sam is starting to actually learn things that I teach him. Such as giving a kiss, waving, peek a boo.
We are currently working on high fives, and saying "bye bye". It is unbelievably rewarding to see them master something!

18 lbs and 28.75 inches
"A person's a person, no matter how small." - Dr. Seuss 

Stop Judging Me

Get ready, this post won't be pretty. 

To the countless people that tell me "cry it out is the best way to get him to sleep through the night", please please please stop. My child is not your child. My child screams bloody murder & sobs and I didn't bring a child into this world to let him cry himself to sleep alone in a dark room. It worked for you but it might not be the right choice for us. I have made a very conscious effort to not complain about sleep deprivation (my husband is exempt) because I know complaining opens me up to your unsolicited advice. So for the last time, stop telling me to let him CIO. 

To the women 2 tables over at the restaurant looking at us repeatedly. Yes, Sam is eating rice (basically just making a mess) & {gasp} watching some silly Fisher Price app that he loves. Sam doesn't love many things (sleep, car seat, his father during bedtime are not at the top of his list) but he loves this cute, little app. Colorful, dancing animals bounce around to music...what's not to love? Anyway, please stop judging me. I never thought I would be the mom that had a baby watching an iPad in a sushi restaurant but then I had a baby so here's to not having a clue what you're doing. Thank you, ipad, for 10 min of "shoveling sushi in my face" time. 

To the old(er) lady at the park, mall, Quiktrip, etc that says (as she touches Sam's feet) "mommy needs to put some socks on you!" Look lady, it's 65 & sunny and he's riding around in a hot box car seat in a black SUV. He's good. And he's unfortunately much like his mother- hot natured. 

To the random chick sitting next to me at dinner, shut up. It started out nicely: she commented on how cute Sam was (duh!) and then said she had a 9 month old at home. After a few glasses of wine, we ended up sharing stories of having breech babies. But instead of just listening to mine, she got all judgy. You see, she's a chiropractor so she automatically assumed she knew my  sitch (that's slang for situation- I'm feeling saucy tonight). Yes, I had a c-section (which I was none too thrilled about) but I wasn't induced by my doctor or pressured or taking the easy way out. I wanted to push that little bugger out but he had different plans. Also, HE (the big man upstairs) had different plans. And I'm ok with it now. She said several things that pissed me off: I shouldn't have had a c-section, my doc should have let me go to 40 weeks and done an ECV to try to turn him, I am an excellent VBAC candidate (thank you, chiro but I'll decide that) and my fave- if I was determined enough to have a vaginal birth, it would have happened. Here's an easy rule to live by: don't judge someone else's birth story/choice. I never dreamed I would have a c-section. Ever. Never. And it happened. And I lived. And that stupid chiro next to me had an ECV at 39 weeks, baby flipped and she had her dream vaginal birth. And we are both good mothers with different birth stories. Stop judging me, chiro girl (whose name is also Heather). 

To the woman today that commented on Sam's red, swollen eyes and said "you know green snot means infection." Actually it doesn't. And I called the pediatrician and he couldn't fit us in today. And the nurse never called me back. And actually I feel terrible that his eyes are gunky but he's not running a fever, in a good mood & I'll take him to the doc on Monday. Zip it or I'll smear his green snot on your face. 

There are a few more I could write about but I had a great date with my husband tonight & honestly this blog is killing my good vibes. Just be nice to others. We are all doing our best. 

Peace and Love (as my hippie Montana sister-in-law would say). 

What I've Learned in 8 Months

I decided I should write this post before Sam turns 9 months so here goes: 

1. You won't relax on vacation 

Remember the days when you went to the beach with a book, that oil spray to increase your chances of getting a tan, and a bluetooth speaker? Well, replace that with 30 prep time for swim diaper, non-toxic 50spf sunscreen and sound machine in case he decides to sleep on the beach. Yeah, sooooo relaxing. 

2. You will buy baby food and it will be a waste 

Sam loved baby food at first. He never ate enough to finish a whole pouch or plastic carton but he was all about it. Now? Get that baby spoon outta that gunk and just give me what's on your plate. Lately I have been throwing out opened baby food because I am still trying to see what/when he will eat it. 

3. You miss things 

I have missed a few events that I never anticipated missing. Sick baby, exhausted mother, Kyle not home from work so no one to watch the baby. Sometimes you just miss things. 

4. One day does not equal everyday 

One day Sam napped in his crib like a champ. The next? Cried every single time his little red head hit the mattress. Sam is very consistent about not being consistent. I am constantly trying new things because nothing ever works long term. Except the boob, he never tires of the boob. 

5. Momma 

He said it, I swear he did. And my mother in law heard it. 

6. Doggies

Having a little fur companion for Sam has been so great. Sophie loves him and he loves crawling after her and trying to tear her ears off. 

7. There will be a blowout 

My mom (thank the Lord she was with me) and I were eating. I mentioned he hadn't pooped. I saw it as we were walking out of the restaurant. It. was. everywhere. That poor bathroom will never be the same. 

8. You will hear the laughter

But you won't know the context. So many times I have been in the other room, upstairs, etc nursing Sam or putting him to sleep while everyone else goes about their bizness. We were recently on vacation and every night I went upstairs to put Sam to bed and the party continued without me. One night I took a Corona with me so I could feel like I was included. It can be hard to feel like you are missing out but I know my presence is still there and in these moments, I am simply being a mother. 

Happy 8 months, you tiny ball of energy. 

I never knew I could do so much. 

Oh, and Amazon Prime. Get it. 

What I've Learned in 7 Months

Sam has reached 7 months of living and breathing on this earth. Here are the things I have learned in 7 months:

1. Holidays will mean more

I have always loved the holidays. But having a child brings in more joy than I anticipated. And he's only 7 months old! Now I can relate to how our parents felt when they picked out our Christmas presents and filled our stockings. I had such fun picking out presents for Sam (and I didn't let myself go overboard!) and on Christmas Eve I put him to bed and then filled his stocking and displayed his present from Santa. I know he won't remember a thing about this Christmas but I certainly won't forget it.

Seeing Santa 

Being Santa

2. You will maybe have a small understanding of what your parents sacrificed 

I'm not sure if it was the holidays or what but I am starting to realize that I thought I had an idea of how much my parents loved me and what they did for me but I really had no idea. The sacrifice that parents make is not understood until you are living it for yourself. And my mother is still sacrificing for me 31 years into my life. It never ends.

3. You will buy/have more toys than you ever imagined 

I was just talking to my parents today about the insane amount of toys that Sam has. And he has never been a baby that was really into any toys for more than a few minutes. And yet I still want to buy him this and this.

4. You will realize how quickly times passes

I can't believe that I have been a mom for over half a year. Those first few months really take it out of you and maternity leave puts you in this wonderful state of "I had a baby so I have no idea what is going on in the world" and then you go back to real life, work, etc and the days start going by and you look up and your baby is sitting up and pulling up in his crib.

5. They get mobile 

I just mentioned some of Sam's new accomplishments which are sitting up like a boss and pulling up. He isn't exactly crawling but will get 1 good knee-elbow movement and then fall to his belly and army crawl. He is a maniac and pulls up on everything and then just lets go.

6. Zippyz

These  jammies are the jam. 3 snaps at the top and then a zipper the rest of the way down so you don't have to unzip him all the way to change a diaper. It has been really nice in this cold weather to keep his little nippys warm while I change his diaper. I got these on sale from the Steals and Deals on the Today show. Love that segment. Kickee Pants are my other favorites.

7. You will want to kill your husband...again. 

Kyle has a work lab in Vail, CO (boooohoooo) and he went up a day early to ski with a friend (booohooooooo) and I want to cut him. Basically because I am super jealous and I want to go to Vail and ski and not have spit up on my new clothes but I'm a mom and Sam still only wants me when he goes to bed so I win. Loser. (Kyle started reading my blog...hi honey...I love you 😘) 

8. You will think farts are cute 

When Sam is trying to crawl or pull up  and he lets out a little (or mighty) fart, I can't help but smile. Oh the innocence.

9. You will still be overwhelmed 

I wish I could say that work has gotten easier for me and that I like getting out of the house but the truth is that I still struggle daily with being a working mother. My job requires a lot of planning and I just don't have the brain power that I used to. My mom is my savior for helping me feel at ease when leaving everyday. I try to plan ahead and do anything I can to make things easier on myself but some mornings are just harder than others.

10. You can accomplish things you never thought possible 

On the flip side, I can do things now that I never knew I could. I can nurse Sam while vacuuming. I can shower, put on make up and fix my hair with a baby crawling all over my feet/legs in the bathroom floor. I can work, mother, wife and still manage to buy Christmas gifts for 12 family members and ship to 2 out of town addresses. Oh, and I wrapped everything. Bam.

Loving him some Olivia

That face. 

Mmmmm...green beans 

7 months
Not sure of weight (I guess about 17 lbs)


 “Mothers and their children are in a category all their own. There’s no bond so strong in the entire world. No love so instantaneous and forgiving.”- Gail Tsukiyama

What I've Learned in 6 Months

1. Find your own pace

You can see so many moms on social media, etc that craft, go to play dates, make homemade peanut butter oatmeal chia seed blah blah blah squares and feel like you are a lazy bum that can't keep up. That's not true. I've never been a crafty lady, so I probably won't start now. I happily purchased Sam's Halloween outfit and I anticipate that I will for the upcoming years. Sam hates car rides so I am never too eager to jump in the car and take him somewhere. If I have someone with me or the car ride is very short, then I will. So find your own pace, do what makes you comfortable. I've missed out on many things because it just was too much for us to take on. And that's ok.

2. Buy that baby a softer sheet 

Sam's nursery is upstairs and really cold. Every time I put him in bed, his face would touch his cold sheet and wake him up. So I bought this sheet and it is so soft that I wish I could climb into that crib with him and sleep on it. I'm pretty sure Sam wouldn't mind me sleeping in that crib with him.

3. Make yourself a priority

I know you have heard this one before along with others such as: sleep when baby sleeps, let the dirty dishes stay in the sink, & cherish every moment, it goes too fast. But sers, try to find some time, any time, and do something that you want to do. It doesn't have to be much, but even the smallest of things can make you feel refreshed. It seems impossible and sometimes it is, but it is still worth a try. 

4. Do what works 

I used to be a stickler for "how it should be". Hahahaha!!! Babies really screw with that. Give that up, girl. Go with the flow. We are currently sleeping in our guest bedroom upstairs so I can be closer to Sam in his nursery down the hall. I was not into going up and down those stairs several times a night. However, since Sam has started napping/sleeping in his room, I have lost a few more lbs!

5. Phantom baby kicks 

I meant to touch on this one months ago, but for several months after you have a baby you will feel "kicks" and for a millisecond, you will forget that you are no longer pregnant. It's weird. And it makes me miss being pregnant.

6. Rings 

Kyle gifted me with my second wedding band when I had Sam. And at that time, I couldn't fit my swollen fingers into my rings. I was worried that my fingers would never be able to fit back into my rings but after about 6 weeks, I could squeeze them on. But there were times I could barely get them off. But by 6 months (actually before that) the rings slid on and off exactly like they used to.

7. The things you will try

As you know, Sam hates the car seat. I have tried everything. Sound machine strapped to his seat, iPad propped up playing videos, toys hanging from the handle. And then I read that you might tape a picture of yourself up so they can see you. And that is exactly what I did. I didn't care how ridiculous it may appear, a nice 5x7 picture of myself taped up on my leather interior. But I was willing to do anything! Would have been nice if he actually stopped crying though...

8. Family 

Your heart will swell every time you see your family enjoying your baby. And your friends, too. 

                                

15 lbs 13oz (17 %)
27.25 inches (75%)

"A person's a person, no matter how small." - Dr. Seuss 

What I've Learned in 5 Months

Sam turned 5 months old & I'm starting to think that life moves too quickly. 4 months to 5 months felt like the blink of an eye. Here are some things I've learned in 5 months:

1. The spitting up gets better 

Sam has been a raging spitter since month 1. The pediatrician told me it would get better around 6 months (when he could sit up) but it has already gotten better. Now, in comparison to some other babes, he still spits up a lot. But I am now less afraid he will "place his mark" on my outfit right before I walk out the door. And then this happens...

2. 6 lbs 

This is the number of pounds my body is holding onto post baby. I try to get a workout in here & there but I never have time during the week and I'm lucky if I can squeeze on in on a weekend. Plus, Sam isn't sleeping well so right now I can barely drag my feet to the Keurig. I feel like a zombie running the park, it's like my body barely works & I might hit the pavement at any second. 

3. Penis 

Month 5 is when he found it during bath time. It's all downhill from here. 

4. Activity 

Month 4 was Sam's vocal month. This month has been his active month. His legs rarely stop moving. His tiny hands grab anything within reach. Usually my hair. He is practicing on sitting up & is actually quite good at it for 5 months old. 

5. Extra Camera

If your child's nursery is upstairs but he is napping/sleeping downstairs, buy an extra camera for your monitor. I finally did that this past week and it is so nice. Now I can put Sam down for a nap in his nursery (trying to get him used to the room that he never sees) and I don't have to move the camera. Overstock had the best price on an extra camera for our Summer Infant Clear Sight monitor.

6. Take a Chill Pill

I wish that I could say that I am super chill, laid back mother (or person in general) but I am not. I can get wound up pretty easily and often feel like I am going to snap on someone.I feel tugged in many different directions and I feel like I never have enough time.  But sometimes, I need to just relax and take a chill pill. However, this time in my life is the most trying (and most wonderful) and I am trying to teach myself how to just do what I can. Not what I think I should do, or what I used to be able to do. Just want I can do now.

7. Feeling Grateful 

I wrote this post the other night. And that is exactly how I felt. Even when I feel like I am drowning, I remind myself that I am extremely fortunate to be living this life. Sam is healthy and thriving, my marriage is solid and we are loved. So make that margarita out of the tequila you got at work and cheeers yourself. Every little thing is gonna be alright. 

"And she loved a little boy very much, even more than she loved herself."
- The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein 

Grateful

Tonight I am sitting on my couch with a glass of wine and a piece of peanut butter toast. I had never eaten peanut butter toast until I met Kyle. I always ate toast with butter on it. Or jelly. But never butter & jelly. That's weird. My mom eats it that way & I've always thought it was weird. But peanut butter toast is delicious. 

The house is quiet. Kyle is playing in a golf tournament. Sam is in bed. My house was cleaned today. I had a wine tasting so I have a really nice bottle of Cabernet open. 

Last week was rough. Well, this week was even rough. But last Friday I was in tears & this Friday, I am grateful. 

I am grateful for a healthy baby. 

I am grateful for a husband that says he misses me when he hasn't seen me in 12 hrs. 

I am grateful for a job that allows me to have a flexible schedule. 

I am grateful for friends that are still making plans with me even though I'm not as available as I once was. 

I'm grateful for a mother that loves me enough to know I need her to be Sam's only other caregiver right now. 

Tonight, I am just grateful. 

Tears

you guys, i'm so tired. i can't even capitalize. i read this article earlier today and was exactly what i needed to hear. sam hasn't been sleeping well for about a month. it feels like an eternity. i cannot remember the last time i slept more than 3 hrs. shoot, i would buzz my hair off right now to get 3 hrs. i keep trying to stay positive and know that is won't always be this way but there are times that i feel like i am drowning. today i worked from home and i was hoping that sam would take at least one good nap. he slept terribly last night so i really needed it. nope, he woke up super early this morning and then at 1pm, he had only taken 2 less than 45 min naps. woke up crying each time. i won't go into cry it out vs pick him up immediately right now (basically because my brain is too tired) but i am in the in between phase of going to him & letting him fuss for a bit. it feels like nothing is working. 

days like today make me hate working. i don't feel like my head is in the game anyway and then you break me down with no sleep and i snap. i got almost everything completed today that was on my list. and then kyle called and said we had some friends that wanted us to go to dinner and then to their house after. i said i couldn't do it, i'm too tired. and then the tears started. 

i know this won't last forever. and i know that i'm doing my best. and i know that i won't remember how i felt like i could break at any moment. but in this moment, it feels so overwhelming. it makes me want to turn all the lights out and just hibernate in my home. it makes me not want to see anyone. it makes me want to eat whatever i can find in the house and then regret that i ate nothing nutritious and feel lazy because i do not have one single ounce left for exercising. the last paragraph of the article i linked earlier is spot on. 

so right now i am going to enjoy sam's soft baby thighs and kiss his sweet tiny face and know that one day when we both sleep 5 hrs, we will wake up and look at each other laugh about how mommy cried when she was so tired.  

What I've Learned In 4 Months

I'm a little late on this one, but Sam turned 4 months on September 20th. He is an active, vocal, high energy little guy. He makes good use of his time while he is awake and takes a while to settle to sleep and tends to wiggle until he is fully asleep. He is smiling all of the time, giggling, rolling over both ways, standing on our laps, playing with toys and holding them with his tiny hands, and starting to respond when someone calls his name.

Here are some things I have learned in 4 short (long) months:

1. Zulily

I heard of Zulily before I had Sam and I wasn't that impressed when I first glanced at the site. And now I check it daily to see what bargains I can find. Now, the only thing that will make it better is to offer free shipping from time to time.

2. Sleep regression

The 4 month sleep regression is a very real thing. Sam was sleeping 4-5 hr stretches and then something happened. I have read several good articles (here and here) saying that is really isn't a sleep regression at all. Sam is developing and this disrupts sleep.  We are working through this the best we can. And with that said, I have never been more tired in my life.

3. Amber beads

Have you heard of the amber teething necklaces? I hadn't until our nephew, Henry, had one. His mother swore by it and he wore it without any problems for about 2 years. Sam turned on the faucet of drool recently so I decided to try one out. This is the one I purchased and I am pleased with it. He still drools but significantly less than he was. 

4. Toys

I received a few toys for Sam at my baby shower and put them upstairs in his nursery, thinking it would be forever until I would need them. Not true. Before you know it, they are ready to start playing. It was so nice to already have some toys available for him that I could just grab from his nursery and not have to go buy any. And then comes Zulily with their cute toys and good deals.

5. Shorts/pants with pockets

Wear things with pockets. You will need them.

6. Baby Carrier

Try on baby carriers. We registered for the Baby Bjorn Original and I ended up purchasing the Baby Bjorn One when Amazon ran a deal I couldn't pass up. The original hurt my back and the new one is much more comfortable.

7. Get out

Get out of the house without the baby. I know everyone says this but really do it. Get a manicure, go to the store, go grab coffee, workout.  Do something. It is good to clear your head and it is good to let Daddy have some one on one time with the baby.

8. Get help

I hired a cleaning lady to come 2x a month and it was one of the best decision I have made. I was so tired of feeling like I was living in a pit (which we aren't) and I didn't want to spend my free time cleaning. So worth the money to get to spend more time doing what I want to do.

13 lbs 12oz  (15%)
26.25 in (75%)

Happy 4 months, Sam. You are my sunshine.

Airplane Travel with Baby

Over Labor Day weekend, we traveled to Montana for Sammi and Clark's wedding. Sam was just over 3 months old, and I left 2 days before Kyle did. I had 2 friends to help me out but traveling with a baby is exhausting! I read plenty of tips on how to prepare for the travel and after my first 6 day trip including 4 flights, here are my tips:

1. Diapers

Pack what you think you will need, and then some more. Sam pooped 3 times on 1 flight. And they don't sell diapers in airports (at least I have never seen them). I took enough to get us there, and then bought diapers and wipes when we arrived for the rest of the trip.

2. Bag of stuff

I put the following in a Ziploc for easy access: paci, paci clip, diaper cream, 3 diapers, wipes, gripe water, socks, Aquaphor and 1 toy. I then took that out of my carry on and placed it in the seat back pocket. It was so easy to just grab that when I needed something during the flight.

3. Baby carrier

I toted Sam around in our Baby Bjorn. We didn't take a car seat or stroller (we rented a car seat from the rental car company) and there was no need for a stroller. Having my hands free was crucial during this trip and Sam does really well in the Baby Bjorn. I will say, if you are in the market for a carrier, you might want to get more than just the basic one. I would love to have one that has better back support.

4. Aquaphor

This stuff is magic. I love it so much. Long before Sam, I used this on my lips and eyelashes at night. Now I put it on his face if he has redness, scratches, etc and his tiny rear end. It is a lifesaver for dry lips on flights.

5. Bottled water

My lips get really dry during travel and they are exceptionally dry now that I am breastfeeding. Keep a bottle of water handy because I hate using my drink tray and those tiny cups that they serve water in during the flight. Plus, unless you have a nice friend that lets you use her tray, you won't have room to use yours.

6. Flip flops

When wearing your baby, you do not want to have to bend down and remove/put on your shoes. Tulsa airport let me go through without taking my shoes off but Bozeman airport did not.

7. Easy clothing

If you have to change a diaper either on your lap or on the toilet in the airplane bathroom, you don't want to fumble around with a lot of clothing. We flew out very early Wed morning so he wore his jammies on the first leg and then I changed him into a onesie and pants. Think of the least amount of snaps, etc.
I wore a black tank top and a button up over it. Easy access to nursing.

8. Aden and Anais blankets

I cannot tell you how much I love these blankets. I use them for spit up, nursing covers, diapers changes, to cover Sam's face when he falls asleep.

Insanely early flight. I had been awake since 4:30

Before our last flight home. He was tired of being "bent" as my aunt would say.
Needed some room to stretch his tiny body

What I've Learned in 3 Months

1. It's ok if your baby sleeps on you all night long 

Sam has always been a great sleeper considering he has never had his days & nights mixed up. And he was sleeping decently in his co-sleeper. Until someone asked how he was sleeping & I got all proud & braggy. He must have heard me and decided to never sleep in his co- sleeper again. I get him dead asleep, swaddle him up, lay him down and the most I get is 30 min before he pops those baby blues open & wants out. 

Out of sheer exhaustion, I would just grab him & we would fall asleep with him on my chest. He sleeps 4 hr stretches like that so I'm not too upset about it.

2. Going back to work is the pits 

I cried and cried. But I managed. Thanks to a very flexible work schedule, I can go home & check on him/nurse him pretty much anytime. But make no mistake, it is not the same as being at home full time with your baby. I hate that I have obligations outside of the home. I've only been back for 2 weeks so I am still adjusting. 

And don't tell me that there will be a time that I will "be happy to get a break & be out of the house". 

3. Eating healthy 

Seems impossible. Before Sam & during my pregnancy, I ate pretty healthy and had plenty of time to prepare meals that made me feel good about eating. 

Now it's shove a PB&J in your face as fast as you can. Or chips. Or leftover pizza. I'm hoping I can get back into a good workout/ eating healthy routine as he continues to get older. 

4. The 3 month rule 

I read several times that babies grow out of their fussy period around 3 months. This seems to hold true for Sam. While he is still very much in love with me, he is getting so much better about being with other people. There was a time where Kyle could barely hold him and now they can spend lots of time together with smiles. And he is lucky to spend time with his Grammy (my mom) during the day & he is getting happier each day. 

5. You will like your husband again 

Haha! This one makes me laugh. Kyle has been such a huge part of us surviving these last 3 month but good lord there were times I actually thought I might kill him. I blame it on extreme tiredness, hunger, confusion & hormones. 

But once you get past a lot of the early hard times, you realize that A) men just think differently than women* and B) he is here to help and you just need to tell him how to help. This isn't a time to sit back & expect him to figure it out and then be irritated when he doesn't. 

*While I have always known that men are different than women, it has never been more glaringly apparent than it was the moment we came home with our baby. 

Cheers to 3 glorious months! Life just doesn't get much sweeter. 

2 Things Not to Ask

Hello again. 

There are articles all over the internet about things you shouldn't say to a pregnant woman & what to not say to a new mother, & I have 2 things I would like to address. 

As a new mother, you are asked a million questions about your baby & your new life. Most of the time, I am happy to answer the questions because it means I get to talk about my wonderful new life. 

And then there are 2 questions that irk me: 

1. Is your baby a good baby? 

I might be silly but the way I answer this question can make me feel a little guilty. Sam is such a sweet, cuddly, happy baby. And he also is somewhat fussy and temperamental and particular. There are lots of times that I am the only one that can calm him. I would not describe him as chill or laid back. So part of me feels guilty when I don't answer "oh yes, he's such a good baby!" 

He's my baby. Crying or smiling or cuddling, he's all mine and I will look back on these times and be thankful that I got to spend so much time learning about my baby. 

2. When do you go back to work? 

This. This question makes me feel lots of emotions. Anger, annoyance, sadness, anxiety. 

Before I even had Sam, I stressed about going back to work. And now I have him here and I can't even fathom leaving him for the day. 

I work a sales job that allows me to crest & manage my own schedule which is one of the main reasons I am returning. The other reason is that we are lucky enough to have my mom watching him. 

But even with all of that said, if Kyle & I agreed that I was able to stay home, I would turn in my resignation and not bat an eye. That could happen in the future but for now, I am going to attempt to work. 

So, please do not ask a new mother when she is returning to work. She likely has that date burned into her brain & thinks about it constantly. She is probably crying about it. She is sad and doesn't want to leave her baby and go back to work, even if she can work part time most days. 

So just don't ask. 

What I've Learned in 2 Months

Sam turned 2 months old on Sunday. Kyle wanted to take the family to the golf course so he could hit some shots. We loaded up the stroller (I had intentions to walk the course and get some exercise) and left for the Oaks.

We said hello to a few people, ordered a much anticipated club special for me and took off. We got the end of the first hole and decided it was best to load up the entire family in the cart. It was so hot and there was no way I could keep up with Kyle zipping from hole to hole in his cart. We looked like the Griswald's with the car seat and stroller piled up in the golf cart.

Sam fell asleep on me and stayed asleep for the entire outing. Kyle loved having us out there and was already teaching Sam the rules and etiquette of golf.

Now, onto what I have learned. Last month, I listed the things I had learned after 1 month of motherhood. Here are some from 2 months of motherhood:

1. Breast pads- keep them close 

Just when you think you don't need them anymore, you will spring a leak in public.

2. Clothing takes planning 

Sure, it is easy to pick out an adorable outfit for Sam and be on our merry way. But me, not so easy. Whatever you can find that fits this post baby body (that is still strange to me) needs to be nursing friendly. So I have invested in wearing strapless dresses or button up shirts when we leave the house. And I found an adorable zip front dress at Target that is now my go-to summer dress. You will see lots of pictures of me in it.

3. Poop

Yes, you heard that you will be interested in poop like never before. Tis true! I walked an open diaper into the living room the other night just to show Kyle the color of it. It was green, if you are wondering.

4. Sleep Deprivation

The first 6 weeks you feel like you are doing pretty well. You don't feel extremely tired, you are on cloud 9! And then it hits. You can barely keep your eyes open, you turn into a 2 cup of coffee mom and you cry because you can't imagine one more night of interrupted sleep. And then at about 8 weeks, your baby will sleep 6 hours and you see the light at the end of the tunnel. (and then he wakes every 2 hrs the next night!)

5. It changes everything 

I once did a post of my routine in getting ready. Ha! Those were the days. I still try to look decent when I leave the house and even when I am home. I shower (almost) every day and even put on some BB cream and blush everyday. It makes me feel human. But gone are the days of standing in front of the mirror making sure you have enough volume in your ponytail or perfecting your eyeshadow. Oh, and you will get spit up on in public and not really care that much.

6. No 

That is my new favorite word. Or at least I wish it could be. My first inclination is to say no to everything we are invited to (that is optional). But you can't do that or you will become a slave in your own home. Even if your baby tends to be a fuss pot and doesn't like the car seat, take small outings and it will be easier each time you do it.

7. You will feel alone 

There will be times that you feel completely alone. Even though I have a huge support system, there can be times that I feel like I am doing this alone because Sam needs me so much. You watch your husband do yard work for 3 hours or kick back in the chair so he can relax during the movie you rented (more on that below), it makes you slightly jealous for a minute. And then Sam looks up and me and coos or smiles and I think what a poor schmuck Kyle is for not being the superhuman person that I am that carried this baby and am managing to keep him alive 24/7 :)

8. Redbox 

Redbox used to be one of my favorite things. And then we rented a movie and I didn't get to see much more than the opening scene. And then I was dumb enough to try it again! Can anyone tell me what happened in Lone Survivor or Monuments Men?

9. 5 Minutes in a Mom's Head 

Have you seen this article? I am 100000% sure that woman's mind works much faster than a man's anyway but this is so true. When Sam falls asleep I always think: should I put him down? Or just hold him? He's so cute! What's that spot on his face? Look how cute his hair is? Crap, I need to let Sophie out. Should I fold the laundry? Or do the dishes? Or pay bills? Or write thank you's? Did I eat lunch? (you see what I'm getting at)

10. Shots 

Shots used to be the 2 oz of liquor we foolishly poured down our face in a bar. Now they mean vaccines and my poor little baby getting them. We went to his appt yesterday and I was so nervous. I hate shots myself so I know that didn't help. Kyle met us there and it ended up not being quite as terrible as I expected. Although the stupid nurse lady did make him bleed a lot on his 2nd leg. He ran a little fever and was feeling pretty yucky last night but I am so glad it is over and we don't have to do it again for 2 months.

11 lbs 1.5 oz
24 inches long